Why I Am Stepping Back from Patient Advocacy

By Barby Ingle, PNN Columnist

Each year at Thanksgiving, our family has a tradition of choosing a community project to support. Every year we do something different: caroling, feeding the homeless, or spending time at the local nursing home. But 2006 was different. The year before, I was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD), a chronic nerve disease that my late stepsister also developed.

We had much trouble getting help and care, so at our Thanksgiving dinner in 2006, we decided to start a 501c3 nonprofit to support the RSD community. Although we had joined other support groups and worked with other nonprofits, it was not what we expected. We wanted to be something different. We wanted to be inclusive of patients, caregivers, providers, legislators and providers treating RSD specifically.

But after the first year, we saw that the same challenges we were working to overcome with prevention, diagnostics, treatment and long-term care were happening to many patients dealing with other chronic pain conditions.

BARBY INGLE

Since helping to start the Power of Pain Foundation – also known as the International Pain Foundation (iPain) -- I learned a lot. I went to classes to learn more about RSD, as well as over 150 other chronic and rare disease conditions.

I would say I became an RSD expert, and over the years taught many healthcare professionals, patients, caregivers and industry leaders about treatments, long-term outcomes, and how to navigate the system from the patient point of view.

I have learned that not every patient wants help, not every patient needs help, and not every patient wants the help that you can give. Having a degree in social psychology was helpful. I understood why there are haters, naysayers and pessimists in the pain community. They are in all of society, why would they not be in our community? 

I remember when I was coaching Deb, our marketing director, she would tell me: “Everyone needs a break sometimes. Take your vacations, take your days off, and leave the job behind.”

Well, when you have a chronic illness, you can’t just leave it behind. I have tried. However, you can take time for yourself. It is not your job to help everyone, even if you want to. It is even more necessary to take care of yourself first.

Therefore, I am following Deb’s advice and stepping back. Mostly it’s because I grew tired of the negativity and hate that comes from being in the leadership position that I was in. Whenever we did an iPain project or chose a “Hero of Hope” recipient, I was thanked and would tell people that I only had one vote. But some did not understand that I literally had just one vote.

Today, I have no vote. As of January 1, 2023, I am no longer President of the iPain Foundation. I still love iPain, and I am still going to volunteer for projects and events. But I am going to take the next two years to do other projects and things for me as a patient, wife, sister and human.

The amount of hate I received over the years for doing something that I have passion for became just too much. I was often told, “You only get to do this because of your position” and “If I was in charge, I’d do it differently.”

To those who said that, watch what I do next. You can do many things, whether you have a position of leadership or not. You can take classes (there are many great ones online) and learn how to do the things you think are important. I have done that and will continue to do it. I will show the pain community that you can do big things without a leadership position. Yes, you can be a leader in action, without the title.  

I wish the 2023-24 leadership of iPain all the best, and hope they succeed everywhere with all they take on, create and produce for the pain community. I am glad to have the stress of the job off my shoulders. Am I done? Yes, I am out!

We will see if I join another board of directors in the future, but for now I will do what I have always done as a pain patient: go into the world to make a difference. I am excited to get back to writing columns for Pain News Network and iPain Living Magazine. I am working on a few more books to publish, some additional presenting, and working on legislation in the coming years.

I have a few of my bucket list items to check off, and I will go on more life adventures with my husband, Ken. Most of all, I will be excited to say more and do more of what I want to do, and not out of obligation for a position I was voted into.  

To the pain community: Be good to each other. Remember you get the help you can be given, not always the help you need. The anger, frustration and negative feelings you face are yours. They are normal feelings for a person in pain, but please also remember the person you reach out to for help may not be able to provide the help you want.

Keep going forward. The help you need is available, how you get there is optional. Taking out those negative feelings on others, especially the ones closest to you, is the ultimate way to drive others away. It is your choice. I choose to get out of the negativity and to work on making a difference. To be a little bit more concise, “You be the best you, I will be the best me, too.”

It can be a win-win situation for us both, which is always good. 

You can find me on my personal social media, you will see more articles from me at PNN and other outlets, and you can always check out my personal website to find out what I am up to next. There will be much more to come, and I promise to continue to make a difference and help in ways that I can. I hope I motivate you to do the same for yourself.  

Barby Ingle is a reality TV personality living with multiple rare and chronic diseases. She is a chronic pain educator, patient advocate, motivational speaker, and best-selling author on pain topics. Barby has received over 25 awards for her advocacy efforts over the years. You can follow her at www.barbyingle.com