Medical Assistance in Dying: When Is Enough, Enough?
/By Ann Marie Gaudon
Google AI defines the phrase "enough is enough" as a personal judgment that continued effort or tolerance is no longer beneficial or sustainable. When you are trying to fix a problem and you've exhausted all reasonable options, it's a signal that you need to let go and move on.
If only we knew where moving on is meant to be.
If you’ve been following along, you will know I have lost a few friends to Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) here in Canada. I have written about Maggie and Melissa,who both ended their lives after struggling for years to meet MAiD’s requirements, which include having an “irrevocable and grievous medical diagnosis” that could not be cured or treated.
Some people call it “assisted suicide.” I don’t particularly like that term, only because the word “suicide” itself comes with centuries of baggage.
It’s Canadian law that an individual may not have a foreseeable death. However, if they are suffering to an extent that they choose to die, then they can access the MAiD option – what is supposed to be a peaceful, dignified death.
It’s not as easy as the law sounds. Maggie’s choice took well over two years and only happened because her medical practitioner pushed for it. For Melissa, it never came first or last. My heart ached for her. Just because you are qualified to receive MAiD, doesn’t mean that you’re going to get it – and that frightens me.
Physically, things are not going well for me lately. What if I’m ready to leave this earthly body and no one will help me do it peacefully?
You might already know that I am an advocate for personal choice in dying. That means a person’s right to choose for themselves only. But how does one even make this decision? When is enough, enough?
I would think that relief of suffering is the most important factor in the decision to access MAiD. If you are actually dying, MAiD will provide you with a very peaceful and humane death.
But I don’t think this is fair to a person living with pain who is not dying, but is suffering too much to cope or have any meaningful quality of life.
I don’t think there should be a difference, however there is. There is a great reluctance for the MAiD doctors to provide assistance in dying to a person in pain. There’s a tendency instead to diagnose them with a mental illness — which then disqualifies them for MAiD.
A lack of support would surely be another factor in the decision for or against MAiD. I am eternally grateful for my inner circle and their support. Even if they hated the idea of MAiD for me (which they would), I would still receive their support if I was very certain I wanted to end my suffering forever. Unconditional love is what it’s all about.
Speaking about loved ones, I now have another one that has changed everything for me: a grandchild. He is nine months old as I write this and a ball of love and sunshine all rolled into one. How could anyone not want to see him grow? Be a part of his life? Be a beloved grandparent?
I sit here crying as I write this to you. I can’t speak for others, but this grandchild has changed everything about how I feel regarding my own death – that is, if I even have a choice in the matter. Unknowingly, he has taken the priority off of myself as a candidate for MAiD and become the priority.
I think I’m asking a question that there is no answer to, at least cognitively. Perhaps enough is enough when you feel it. Even if you don’t have the language to explain it, maybe it is a feeling?
Our minds have evolved to be great problem-solving machines, but what if the problem cannot be solved? It’s a conundrum. My chronic pain and illness cannot be solved, and with each passing year I feel physically worse than the year before.
That does not equate, however, to feeling emotionally worse. That is not my case. Perhaps my age has allowed me to give up a lot of the emotional struggle and grab a handful of happiness whenever I can. I can laugh easily and heartily at the healthy moments of life, yet my body is breaking beneath me. What does one do with this scenario?
For one, I am not convinced that although I legally qualify for MAiD, that it would actually be completed. For two, now with a grandchild in the mix, everything has been upended for me.
What I thought I would do is now what I don’t want to do. The big problem is my body is breaking beneath me. I have acquired a world of coping skills, but they do not work when the pain is severe.
How long do I suffer because I can’t bear to leave others? There is no answer for this and I damned well know it.
Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management. She has been a chronic pain patient for over 30 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.
