Why Chronic Pain Patients Often Pretend to Be Healthy
/By Crystal Lindell
Whenever I meet new people, I like to spend a little time in that magical in-between land where they don’t yet know I have chronic pain.
It’s a place that only exists in fantasy, but it lets me play pretend.
I get to pretend that I’m just a regular person whose entire life does not revolve around my pain.
How long I get to stay in that fantasy land with new people depends on a few factors. Namely, how often I have to see them, how effectively my medication is currently working, and how often my pain is flaring.
Of course, because I write about my health issues online, it’s also greatly dependent on them not Googling my name.
But it’s fun while it lasts.
Look at me! I’m just a regular person! I don’t need 15 hours of recovery time after activities! Rainy days don’t render me incapable of getting out of bed! I can definitely skip sleep to get more work done!
I’m TOTALLY HEALTHY!
In essence, I’m socially masking. But instead of trying to mask my true personality to fit in, I’m trying to mask my physical pain.
Eventually, my body always betrays my charade though, and I have to reveal at least some of my health issues. It usually happens because I have to cancel plans due to a pain flare, or because I get an injury.
Even then, I still only like to reveal small bits of information. I don’t give an entire back story and list of diagnoses right away. I only share what I need to.
I don’t have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I have “a genetic condition.” I don’t have intercostal neuralgia, I have “some pain in my ribs sometimes.”
There’s a common trope that people with chronic health issues like to let it define their entire identity. Doctors often point to this as a reason why people might be claiming to be sicker than they actually are. Like it’s a fun fad.
But that’s not my experience at all. Yes, my chronic health issues do define my entire identity – but I do not like it. In fact, I hate it.
I want to be a regular person so badly – even if it’s just in the minds of casual acquaintances. I want to be who I remember I was before I started having chronic pain. I want to be reliable, bubbly, and sober.
Of course, there’s one major downside to always trying to hide my chronic pain and my health issues from new people: It makes it that much harder for others to ask me for help.
That’s why I chose to write online about my chronic pain so openly. I want people to know that they are not alone, and I want to share things with them that have helped me survive in this broken body.
I just don’t always want that experience in real life, with real people, in real situations.
That said, over the years, I have found that when my health issues do eventually come up in-person, many people are often quick to confide that they are also hiding their own ailments, and their own need for help.
When I share my health-related secrets, theirs usually come flooding out as well. And if not theirs, then the struggles of loved ones and those they care for.
Then, once that bridge is crossed, we can commiserate. More importantly, we can share the secret ways in which we cope.
As the fantasy of being healthy dies, true friendship blooms. But that doesn’t mean the fantasy wasn’t magical while it lasted.
In the end, the truth is most people aren’t going around pretending to be sicker than they actually are. Rather, a lot of people are trying to pretend that they are healthier than they ever could be – myself included.
