Why I Keep Quiet About My Use of Prescription Opioids
/By Crystal Lindell
When I first started taking prescription opioids on a daily basis in 2013, I didn’t hide that information from anyone. I told my friends at church, my family, and even my then-boss.
I was in way too much pain to spend any energy worrying about what anyone thought about me or the pills I was popping.
At the time, I was still working in the corporate world. And I quickly began to see and experience the stigma that comes with opioids. It wasn’t long before every mistake I made and every emotion I had were blamed on the fact that I was taking Norco.
I still remember the time a man at work lost his temper on me. When I felt like I had the very appropriate reaction of sobbing at my desk, my then-boss immediately dismissed it to both me and the man who had screamed at me by explaining that I was “on lots of new medications.”
So, over the years, I have learned to withhold my pain medication use to new people. Sadly, this decision has only been reinforced by the fact that things have gotten worse over the last decade when it comes to opioids being a taboo.
The media narrative that a 5 mg hydrocodone tablet is the same thing as a baggie of street fentanyl has caught on. Now, people who may not have even known what hydrocodone was in 2013 are hyper aware that it’s part of the “opioid epidemic.”
So, I hide my pain pill usage in real life. It may sound paranoid, but I have been undercover enough times to see the truth.
When people think I’m healthy, they open up about how they really feel about opioid users. There are lots of comments dismissing us as lazy, saying things like, “Maybe he should stop getting high all the time” anytime they make even a small mistake.
I’m then put in the awkward position of having to decide whether to let it slide or defend them.
There’s a very strong part of me that wants to be the “good” opioid user. I want to show others what it looks like when people take opioids “responsibly.” I want to defend other people who take pain pills.
The problem is, once I admit that I use them too, I’m immediately moved out of the “good” opioid user category, because in their minds there’s no such thing. Going forward, everything I do would be seen through the lens of them thinking I’m high all the time.
It’s an impossible situation.
For now, I have found that the best way to navigate it in real life is to hide my health issues and my pain medication usage as long as possible.
Yes, I write about all of it very openly online, and anyone looking for “dirt” on me would have no problem finding the truth. But most people lack such levels of information-seeking determination.
So, as long as I show up, seem alert, and come across as put together, there’s no reason anyone has to know that the pills I keep in the Tylenol bottle in my purse are actually prescription Norco.
