Medicine for the Soul: Friends Are Important When You Have Chronic Pain

By Crystal Lindell

Every month before book club, I count out some pain pills.

I have to make sure I have a dose to take before I leave the house, so that they will be fully working when I arrive. And I have to make sure I have another dose to bring along – in case things run late and my pain starts to creep back before I make it home.

Without doing that, I know there’s no way I’d be able to physically endure the hours-long social interaction – even if that social interaction is literally just sitting on the couch and talking about a book. That’s just how my life is with the type of chronic pain I have. 

And it’s a social interaction that I absolutely love, by the way. In fact, I love it so much that I sacrifice both before and after every meet-up to make sure I can show up for it.  

On the day of a book club meeting, I also have to cut back on things like chores so that I can make sure I have the energy to shower, get dressed and put on makeup before I leave the house. While I’m sure the group wouldn’t mind if I showed up disheveled, I would.  

And I have to plan my schedule after the book club to allow time for me to go to bed early, because I know I’ll need to. Being alert and upright for a few hours is that hard on my body. 

Living with chronic pain means all my friendships require planning, extra work, and usually pain medication. It’s a level of effort that would make it easy, even understandable, to give up on the whole ordeal. But I don’t.

The priorities each day for me with chronic pain are basic hygiene, nutrition, housework, and maybe earning some money. All of that usually only leaves time and energy for one other thing: Sleep.  

Driving somewhere to get coffee with an old friend just doesn’t feel as urgent. Especially if you’re also in a romantic relationship or taking care of loved ones who themselves have health problems.

And making new friends? Forget about it!  

But please trust me when I tell you that “maintaining friendships” and even “making new friends” truly is just as crucial as taking a shower and doing the dishes – especially when you have chronic pain.

I have only been in this book club for about a year now, and most of the people in it are completely new friends to me. But I’m so glad that I have prioritized going, even when my physical pain is especially bad. 

Meeting with them always enriches my spirit in ways I can’t predict. 

That’s the thing about friendships: They are literally medicine in and of themselves. Often comforting, rejuvenating, and even healing.

In fact, a few months ago, during the book club meeting we played a game where we each anonymously wrote three compliments about everyone else in the group. And then we each got to hear what the others said about us.

The things everyone said about me were like medicine for my soul. For weeks afterward, when I felt like the physical pain was too much, I would think of those compliments. And they would help me mentally to endure it.

It’s the kind of thing that makes counting out pills before we meet more than worth it.