Mourning the Loss of a Healthy Body
/By Li-elle Rapaport
Body changes can raise disturbing feelings, such as looking in a mirror and seeing a reflection that may feel spiritually empty, unproductive, ugly or weak.
Unpleasant sensations such as pain, pins and needles, soreness coursing through limbs and an inexplicable fog filling the head are a reminder that this body is not the same you anymore, prompting us to wish there was a way to get back there. It may feel impossible to live well unless you do.
This is the disillusionment that most of the population will face at some point in life, through aging, chronic pain or invisible illness (a disease or health problem that cannot be externally seen, including autoimmune diseases, chronic pain and fatigue, and recently, long COVID).
Recent global estimates suggest one in five people are currently experiencing chronic pain. The most prevalent chronic pain reported by adults ages 75 and over includes low back pain and migraine, while tension-type headaches are more often experienced by younger adults. Chronic illness (diabetes, heart disease and other mid-to-late-life diagnoses) affects about three-quarters of the world population.
Despite how common chronic illness is worldwide, the nuances of navigating a changing body are not often discussed. It’s time for an honest, evidence-based conversation about what it means to navigate chronic pain and illness, aging and transforming identity post-diagnosis, and how to grieve this loss and maintain meaning through these changes.
Why It Matters
Research suggest that those with internalized stigma of chronic illness are more preoccupied with how their illness detracts from their view of themselves, and also have a greater tendency to overlook positive aspects of life with a chronic illness.
Psychologists have observed how preoccupation with illness or pain is often accompanied by other grief behaviours. A 2025 study explored how Danish chronic illness patients navigated loss and growth. The study found that many with chronic illness find themselves mourning the life that they thought they would have, often leading to loss of motivation and joy in everyday life.
The perception of losing the life they had once envisioned is often accompanied by a focus on getting back to the “before illness” version of themselves as people struggle to accept how their body has changed, perhaps in how it looks but definitely in how it feels.
These changes and associated feelings of loss often permeate a person’s sense of identity, as well as their perceived roles within social relationships. Many report a fear of burdening others, especially loved ones, often describing feelings of guilt that “others have it worse than I do.” This is where internalized stigma festers.
Some people have also described feelings of anger, isolation, shame and exhaustion accompanying sadness. Meanwhile, others have expressed frustration over a gradual loss rather than a “clean break,” accompanied by the inability to find closure.
Making Sense of Grief
First, it’s important to understand why accepting this continuous loss feels so impossible. Theories of control in psychology state that humans desire control or the ability to achieve a desired outcome according to our own standards.
When that ability is seen as stripped away, people are more likely to experience negative mental health symptoms, like anxiety, depression and even grief. Specifically, feelings of diminished perceived control (subjective belief about our ability to achieve desired outcomes) occur when we face continuous roadblocks to living our desired life because of chronic illness.
One of the major consequences of loss and major life change is that it can disrupt meaning and challenge identity, purpose and assumptions about the future. At a time when people feel there is little they can control, psychologist Robert Neimeyer’s Meaning Reconstruction Theory poses the questions: “How do I move forward?” and “What matters most?”
While the original theory was proposed as an approach to coping with the loss of a loved one, the process is somewhat similar to grieving the close ally that is your body. This theory approaches grief by making sense of the loss and finding ways to rebuild a sense of purpose in a changed life (and body).
To answer relevant questions about how to move forward with chronic illness, two ongoing approaches are needed: integrating the loss and recentring purpose and meaning.
Integrating the loss may look like processing significant bodily losses in therapy, finding trusted loved ones to talk about the loss with and focusing on being realistic about your current body without judgment.
Second, recentring purpose during this major life change involves understanding your why: why is this loss so significant to you, why does it hurt? Maybe it’s because you love hiking in the mountains and a new diagnosis with arthritis feels like the end of this joy. Part of rebuilding meaning is finding new approaches to fulfilling this purpose — perhaps hiking may look different, but nature can be accessed and loved with chronic illness present.
Rebuilding meaning might also look like making meaning from this loss: What has this change taught you about yourself, about the impact you can make? Approaching present and future with this perspective helps process grief in a more protective way.
Living with chronic pain, illness and the changes that come with aging often involves grieving physical loss, but also shifts in purpose, relationships, identity and future plans. While these changes challenge our perceived control and purpose, the Meaning Reconstruction Theory suggests that acceptance and growth comes with integrating loss and rebuilding purpose alongside these changes.
Although the present is different than anticipated, fulfilment is still possible with your current body.
Li-elle Rapaport is a therapist and doctoral candidate in the Department of Psychology, University of Manitoba
This article originally appeared in The Conversation and is republished with permission.
