Pain Poem: A Misery Too Great to Bear

"A Misery Too Great to Bear"

By Angelika Byczkowski

People in pain are dying,
a reluctant calculation,  
the only option left to escape
a misery too great to bear.

While we struggle with our pain,  
our government has decided   
to snatch relief from opioids  
away from us for our own good.  

They say one pill begins the end,  
addiction guaranteed.
We say we need a powerful shield
only opioids can provide.  

By policy now unarmed, defenseless,
we are stalked by pain through every moment.  
It hunts us down relentlessly,  
sinks fangs in deep and feasts.

It rips the flesh and breaks the bones,   
cracks the skull and snaps the spine,  
with license to do just as it pleases,  
impunity guaranteed by decree.  

We are sent out naked now  
to battle this rampaging pain  
with methods long disproven, yet  
"believe and it will be" they say.

Denied our armor, medication  
callously denied by guidelines,   
we teeter at the ragged gash  
where soul was ripped from body.  

How much pain and for how long  
can we be asked to bear,  
while experts coin their catchy phrases,  
call our pain "catastrophizing".

A catastrophe indeed is pain:
It traps us in the wreckage,  
wandering the sad remains    
of tortured flesh that cannot heal.

What we know is pain, we feel  
only pain, exploding pain,  
pain so bad it breaks our will
to live like this forever.  

Pain dominates, annihilates,
ruthless in its roaring rage, while  
helpless at the feet of the beast,
we lie sacrificed for overdoses not ours.

People in pain are dying,
a reluctant calculation,  
the only option left to escape
a misery too great to bear.

 

Angelika Byczkowski suffers from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and fibromyalgia. Until she was disabled by progressive pain and fatigue, Angelika was a high tech IT maven at Apple and Yahoo. She lives in California’s Santa Cruz Mountains with her husband and various four-legged kids.

When pain isn't keeping her flat on her back, she spends her limited energy researching and blogging about chronic pain, EDS, and fibromyalgia at EDS Info.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories (and poems). Send them to:  editor@PainNewsNetwork.org

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

A Pain Poem: Do You Ever Wonder Why?

"Why"

By Angelika Byczkowski

People sometimes ask:

Do I ever wonder why?
 

When I was still invincible,

my shining star still on the rise,

my future still unscathed and bright,

anything seemed possible.

 

Anything but this.

A cosmic roll of the genetic dice

comes into play and shows its face:

I'll be living in pain the rest of my days. 

 

Do I ever wonder why?


They ask this, not I.

For me, such questions don't apply.

 

I've accepted and adapted,

adjusted to a life with pain,

asking nothing of the future,

giving up my yesterdays.

I've been changed and the world is changed,

my altered view sees everything new.
 

Perhaps there'd been a danger

of complacency, a lazy habit

of ease unearned, a passiveness,

a willingness to go along.
 

Perhaps life was becoming stale,

perilously smooth and tame,

hazardously even-keeled,

and dangerously boring.
 

Perhaps my life would have remained

inadequate, unchallenged,

never having fully grown

to its frightening potential.
 

Why did this fate befall me?

 

Well, it did and that is that.

And when I stopped resisting,

allowed the change,

it changed me.


Why not?

 

Angelika Byczkowski suffers from Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and fibromyalgia. Until she was disabled by progressive pain and fatigue, Angelika was a high tech IT maven at Apple and Yahoo. She lives in California’s Santa Cruz Mountains with her husband and various four-legged kids.

When pain isn't keeping her flat on her back, she spends her limited energy researching and blogging about chronic pain, EDS, and fibromyalgia at EDS Info.

Pain News Network invites other readers to share their stories (and poems) with us.  Send them to:  editor@PainNewsNetwork.org