6 Emotional Stages of Chronic Pain

By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist

Emotions are part of our life experience and influence how we cope with challenging situations such as chronic pain.

Emotional responses to pain are not “bad” or “negative” because they are a natural response to life events. For example, depression is often seen as a sign of poor health, but it can also be a way of conserving bodily energy.

Emotions are never a sign of weakness. Emotions are adaptive responses which have helped us survive as a species.

Did you know there are normal emotional stages of injury and pain? Not everyone goes through every stage and it is not a linear process. Sometimes we bounce from stage to stage in no particular order.

Let’s look at these 6 emotional stages of chronic pain:



Denial is when we refuse to acknowledge how we feel and try to conceal the problem. When we’re in this stage our thoughts are likely: “It’s probably nothing serious” or “It will pass soon enough.”

Typical denial behaviour would be to ignore the pain, keep going as though you’re not in pain, failure to seek medical attention, and not following medical advice. Basically, you’re acting like nothing is going on in your body.

Denial is also culturally reinforced by beliefs that we should “suck it up, don’t complain and keep working.”

Fear and Anxiety

We feel fear and anxiety when the reality of something wrong hits home. You will likely be thinking quite repetitively during this stage. Typical thoughts would be: “Something is very wrong” or “What’s going to happen to me?” 

In this stage, your behaviour might be to rest and withdraw or avoid activities to protect yourself from further injury or pain. You will find yourself preoccupied with a lot of worry. You will likely begin to scan your environment and your body for threats to either, and it will be hard to commit to work or play.


Depression is the most common response to chronic pain and tends to come after fear and anxiety. Your thoughts would be normal in this stage if they were: “What’s the use?” or “Why bother with anything anymore?”

Realize none of this is enjoyable or desired; it is a normal response to chronic pain. Your behaviour would be to reduce participation in normal physical activities – even the enjoyable ones.  Social withdrawal would continue as a protective adaptation and you might experience problems with sleep.

Depression can impair your sense of self and you may grieve the loss of your identity. If you’re not an employee and parent anymore, then who are you? It is normal to withdraw in depression when your world shrinks in size.


Another emotional stage, and one I am quite familiar with, is anger. This defensive behaviour is the “fight” in the fight-flight-freeze response. It energizes you to resist the problems that come with chronic pain, and to ward off danger and restore safety. Normal angry thoughts about your pain would be: “It’s not fair” or “Why me?”

Behaviours in this stage can sometimes be troublesome, as they may become impulsive (acting or speaking quickly without thinking it through) or compulsive (repetitive behaviour not serving a purpose). You may overreact to smaller things and blow up at others. You might also engage in risky behaviour such as abusing alcohol or other substances to try to numb yourself.

The key is to express your anger in a healthy manner and hopefully transform it into affirmative action.  This is where you find the message in your anger and put it to work for you. I put my anger to work for me as I advocate for chronic pain patients on a regular basis.


Shame is not to be confused with guilt. Guilt says, “I’ve done something bad” while shame says, “I am bad.” Shame comes from how we see ourselves as damaged goods and can lead to feelings of self-loathing and disgust. You might think: “I’m worthless” or “I’m a complete failure.”

As a therapist, I find this to be a particularly powerful and difficult stage for clients, as shame often takes up all the space in the room. Behaviours in this stage would be continued social withdrawal, a decrease in assertiveness and self-confidence, and possibly self-destructive behaviours such as abusing alcohol or drugs.


The final emotional stage of coping with chronic pain is acceptance. Some patients reach this stage fairly quickly and others never reach it.

Let me be crystal clear about acceptance: It does not mean that you want this pain or that you like this pain and gladly accept it. Absolutely not. What it does mean is that you accept yourself without judgment, you live in the present moment, and you accept what is. Your thoughts will be along these lines: “This is not my fault” or “I can and will cope with this.”

Behaviours begin to change in this stage. You will be less focused on the past and have more realistic expectations of yourself. You will maintain appropriate levels of physical activity, use medications appropriately, reduce your emotional stress, and begin to experience feelings of peace rather than constantly beating yourself up.

Acceptance does not mean that you no longer feel any of the other emotions.  You may still experience feelings of denial, fear and anxiety, depression, anger and shame, but they will be less often and with less intensity.

Acceptance -- which includes hefty doses of self-compassion -- does not cure anyone’s physical pain, but it does facilitate better coping and reduced emotional stress. You do not accept pain because you want it or like it, but because it is here, you have it, and you respond to it in a kinder, gentler way.

The purpose of acceptance is to engage in activities that you feel have value. Within this purpose, acceptance becomes relevant and necessary. As a consequence, there is often less time spent struggling against and trying to avoid pain -- time freed up to engage in more valued pursuits.

It may take some time and support to acquire this tool, but once you have, it’s yours for life. Double entendre fully intended.


Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management.  She has been a chronic pain patient for 33 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

One Is the Loneliest Number

By Ann Marie Gaudon, PNN Columnist

Part of what makes pain "painful" is the feeling of being misunderstood and the feeling of aloneness.

"Nothing is quite so isolating, as the knowledge that when one hurts, nobody else feels the pain,” Robert Murphy wrote in his memoir, “The Body Silent: The Different World of the Disabled.”

When you combine a sufferer who sees only pain with someone who can't see it at all, a barrier often springs between the two.  Pain causes this barrier because it inverts our typical perspective. No longer able to reach out to others for work or leisure, pain patients turn inward and life becomes about self-protection. Something is wrong inside of us, so we must tend to it and ensure it doesn't get any worse. This is an evolutionary response for survival; it’s instinctive and quite normal under these circumstances.

Once patients are constrained in their daily activities, a large part of their social world and the emotional health that depends on it can quickly deteriorate. Relationships are arguably the largest part of what makes life worth living.  In contemporary Western society, our self-confidence and identity arise from social interactions.

But as chronic pain sufferers’ lives become more restricted and limited, they frequently experience an erosion of their former self-image without the simultaneous development of a new one.


For example, I have heard: “I was a nurse, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, and a sister, but now all of that is gone and I am alone in a cage with my pain.”

When isolated and in pain, our mind can become our worst enemy. The collapse of one’s social world can result in feelings of anxiety, emptiness, loneliness, anger, sadness, grief, guilt and low self-worth.

All of this psychological stress (aka “dirty pain”) is a response to your physical pain (aka “clean pain”).

Stress is a complex cascade of physical and biochemical responses to strong emotional stimuli. Emotions are electrical, chemical and hormonal discharges of the human nervous system. When not processed in a healthy manner, they can generate or increase pain and illness.

People can and do help themselves. Some join groups. If possible, join a walking group for exercise. If you don’t like walking, join another. The point is not so much what the group is doing, but rather that you are in a social situation.

Online forums are another way that people connect, especially if one is mainly housebound. Online communication can help you feel not so alone with your pain.

Maybe it’s possible for you to open up your home to low-maintenance company. Host a popcorn and movie night, or it could be cards or board games. You do the choosing, including when it begins and ends. Start with a single and simple event to prevent over-exertion and see where it leads.

Remember, what’s important is that you are building and maintaining relationships. To the extent that it’s possible, stick with those who support you. This could mean family, friends or even a support group for your condition, which can be a platform to form meaningful relationships with people who understand you. By listening to each other, you both know that you are heard and that you are not alone.

Some folks make their pain more communicable and thus sharable through pictures, artwork or expressive writing. Oftentimes this helps to bring barriers down to help others understand how you are feeling. There are no rules, you choose your form of expression.

Finally, realize that it is not your fault that you live in a pained body. Adding self-blame to your list of challenges will only make things worse for yourself. Learn to ask for help when you need it. Asking for help is never a weakness but is an act of self-compassion. I work extensively with clients on self-compassion, most of whom are quite naïve about it. If beating yourself up were the way to better health, wouldn’t you be the healthiest person on the planet by now?

I also work with people to get realistic about their life and expectations. What can stay? What can go gracefully to make room for new ways of being?

People aren’t broken, they’re just stuck. It’s not always easy, but with new learning, adaptations and support, people also become unstuck.


Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management.  She has been a chronic pain patient for 33 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

Are You ‘Paingry’ About Your Pain?

By Ann Marie Gaudon, Columnist

I’ve learned the hard way how you can stress anyone at all. Put these three factors in their life: Uncertainty, lack of information, and loss of control. Chronic pain patients are slammed with all three.

The stress can manifest itself in a variety of ways -- including anger -- and pain patients have a lot to be angry about. I’ve heard it called “paingry” -- which might even be cute if pain didn’t have the capacity to obliterate lives. People in pain typically experience greater anger than others because they carry the burden of many frustrations related to work, finances, relationships, health care systems, limitations, losses, etc.

We all tend to resort to anger to protect ourselves because someone or something has done us wrong. We protect ourselves from feeling what is “underneath the anger” which is emotional pain and feelings of vulnerability. Pain patients often have these feelings in spades. Anger is a natural, adaptive, emotional response when we feel threatened. It is the “fight” in the fight-flight-freeze response.


It’s no surprise that for chronic pain patients, anger arousal is associated with greater pain intensity, muscle tension, and interference with function and relationships.

So is anger regulation, whether it’s expressed in an outburst of anger (blowing up) or inhibited as anger (stuffing it down).  Blowing up won’t help you, but it will make you untouchable. You don’t want to be touched and nobody wants to touch you either.

Stuffing it down merely buries problems, which won’t go away and can lead to seething anger. These things are bad for everyone’s health and worse if you have chronic pain.

If you’ve got chronic pain, you’re going to be frustrated a lot of the time and acceptance of your condition becomes important. However, even learning acceptance can spark anger. You may think, “Why should I have to accept this? What have I done to deserve it?”

Understand Your Anger

Ironically, getting angry is not the problem. The real problem is a lack of awareness that anger is building into destructive ways of expressing that anger, and poor resolutions when we blow up in anger.

Here’s my message to all chronic pain patients: Don’t waste your anger, put it to work for you.

Understanding your anger is important. It is not caused by anything outside of you but is a response – sometimes not even conscious – that you make based on your interpretation of events. Feeling betrayed by your body? Doctors underestimating your pain? Suspected of malingering at work? Hard up for finances? Relationships breaking down? Denied or restricted medications? Stigmatized and discriminated against because you need opioid pain medication?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve come to loathe the phrase “drug seeking behavior” in reference to a legitimate pain patient because it’s so misguided. “Pain relief seeking behavior”? Now you’re talking.

Anger is an assertion of your most basic rights as an individual. Angry feelings need to be validated or acknowledged by yourself and others in order to move on to problem solving. You’re going to need a commitment to optimal pain management and to process your anger in a healthy way. The question then becomes, “How am I going to live with this in the best way possible?”

What Is Anger Telling You?

Anger and other raw emotions can be considered warning signs to things that we care about. Feeling enraged about your life with chronic pain can be a signpost that you value health, a productive life, want to be cared about authentically, and that you are not being treated fairly. If we didn’t experience anger, we wouldn’t have the message. It is a very healthy and necessary emotion to help us protect ourselves.

What is your anger telling you? If you misunderstand the message or do not act on it, your body will react and your pain will be escalated. Know that. It’s also crucial that you look for primary emotions. Those will be the underlying the hurt, vulnerability, and feelings of unfair treatment. They can be quite uncomfortable for a lot of folks.

Think of an iceberg. The much smaller top portion that you can see is the anger. What is not so obvious is the much larger mass underneath the water. That is your emotional pain and what you need to process and feel for all its worth. You need to acknowledge the entire iceberg; really get to the bottom of it. Secondary emotions like anger are often not helpful, especially if it leads to rage. Use your anger as a tip off that you need to look deeper to alleviate your distress.

Plenty of chronic pain patients need help with anger because they have so much to be angry about. See a therapist. There are many questions you will need to address. “Is there any unfair treatment in my life? Am I being honest and authentic about how I really feel? Are my needs being met? What is my message and what needs to be changed?”

You can get help becoming aware of your emotions on your way to accepting them. You can learn to take actions guided by these emotions – and put them to work for you.

If you’re a pain patient with no history of mental illness, yet you find yourself damned angry, breathe easier. You couldn’t be more normal. Pathologizing you with a mental health disorder and treating it with medication will not help you with your anger. Get help to listen to your inner dialogue.  See anger as a useful emotion. It’s telling you something that needs tending to.

I have a simple but effective strategy. It doesn’t involve diagnoses, medication, or creating spaces between myself and another person. Rather, I lean in and rely on empathy, respect and compassion for a fellow human being who is clearly overwhelmed with torment. Quietly and gently I ask, “Is it okay if we talk about your suffering?” The floodgates open. Know that is normal too.


Ann Marie Gaudon is a registered social worker and psychotherapist in the Waterloo region of Ontario, Canada with a specialty in chronic pain management.  She has been a chronic pain patient for 33 years and works part-time as her health allows. For more information about Ann Marie's counseling services, visit her website.

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

Do OTC Pain Relievers Dull Your Emotions?

By Pat Anson, Editor

Ibuprofen, acetaminophen and other over-the-counter pain relievers may do more than just dull your physical pain. They could also dull your emotional and cognitive senses, according to a new study.

Researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara reviewed a small body of clinical studies that suggest OTC pain medications have an overlapping effect on us, both physically and emotionally.

One study, for example, found that acetaminophen makes people feel less empathy for others.

Research also found that women who took ibuprofen reported less social anxiety and hurt feelings after being excluded from a game or when writing about a time when they felt betrayed.

Yet another study found that acetaminophen lessens the discomfort of parting with a prized possession. When asked to set a selling price on an object they owned, individuals who took acetaminophen set prices that were cheaper than the prices set by individuals who took placebos.


"In many ways, the reviewed findings are alarming," wrote lead author Kyle Ratner, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at UC Santa Barbara. "Consumers assume that when they take an over-the-counter pain medication, it will relieve their physical symptoms, but they do not anticipate broader psychological effects.

“Are more regulations needed? Should warnings be expanded on drug labels? At this point, drawing strong conclusions from the existing studies would be premature. Nonetheless, policymakers might start thinking about potential public health risks and benefits.”

Ratner and his colleagues say one place to start is to further study the effects of OTC analgesics on pregnant women. Recent research has found higher rates of autism and attention deficit disorder (ADHD) in young children whose mothers used acetaminophen while pregnant.

Acetaminophen -- also known as paracetamol – is the world’s most widely used over-the-counter pain reliever. It is the active ingredient in Tylenol, Excedrin, and hundreds of other pain medications. Ibuprofen is also widely used and can be found in brand name products such as Motrin and Advil.   

“Found in medicine cabinets across the world and used multiple times per week by people of all ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds, these drugs are woven into modern life. Policymakers should take note of existing findings but not rush to judgment,” said Ratner.

The study is published online in the journal Policy Insights from the Behavioral and Brain Sciences.

Managing Emotions While Living with Chronic Pain

By Barby Ingle, Columnist

Before navigating through the minefield of the healthcare system, we need to get our own lives in order first.

It is important to learn the tools to manage chronic pain in a biological, psychological, social and spiritual approach. This can be quite tricky to do, if you don’t put effort into each area.

The one area most skipped over is the psychological challenge that comes with living in chronic pain. One of the things that negatively affected my healthcare was not having my emotions under control when going into a doctor’s office. I would go in expecting them to fix me and answer in broad sweeping terms that did not help them help me. I would typically cry, because I was in so much pain and trying to get someone else to understand was quite a challenge.

There were five major areas psychologically that I worked on: managing my conditions, avoiding peer pressure, figuring out tools that I was comfortable with, respecting the roles of everyone involved in my care, and setting expectations with my family and friends.

Once I became my own best advocate and learned to present my symptoms in ways that helped them understand, I finally started down the path to a team approach to managing my pain.


The first step was getting my emotions under control and taking responsibility for what happens between appointments. That meant making sure that I was organized, learned about my diseases and treatment options, and understood how my insurance worked. Getting organized really helped me get my emotions under control, let go of anxieties, and focus on maximizing my care and energy.

I also learned each provider has their own way of treating pain, and if that provider was not on board with me, I’d find a new one who was willing and able to help me accomplish my goals.

Avoid Peer Pressure

You may face some peer pressure from others in the pain community to try whatever they are doing. Remember to research and only do what you are ready to do for yourself. If it’s not right for you, then it’s not right for you. The stress of allowing others to pressure you into trying a treatment that you are not comfortable with can create a bad situation for you.

Don’t be misguided by the pressure to fit in with others who have the same disease as you. Be sure to stand up for yourself and the care you deserve.

Take Responsibility

We are taught from childhood that doctors fix sick people. Providers and parents make decisions for us about our medications and treatments. But as we age, it is important to learn that we are responsible for our own care, and to think through and develop our own solutions. This is an essential life skill for everyone, but when you are chronically ill it is even more important to develop.

Respect that pain takes a toll on us physically and emotionally, and that we must devote time, effort and energy to improve our living situation and be as mentally healthy as possible. So many times, I wanted to scream or have a tantrum. Can’t they hear me? Can’t they help me? Can’t they do something for me?

Finding more positive ways to say what I was going through and productive ways to communicate helped me get the best care possible in the worst of situations. No one helped me when I let my negative emotions lead me. I have learned to respect myself and others to get the care I need, know when to walk away, and when to find a better way.

Set Expectations Early

Most of my family understood that I was living with chronic pain and that it was not by choice. But not all of my husband’s family understood, and took the word of a nurse who said that I was acting up, looking for attention and nothing was wrong with me. Over the years most of them have come around, after I learned to be patient and stay consistent in my drive and determination.

I have only had to cut a few people out of my life and most of that happened because I was unable to set expectations. Now it is something I have learned to do at the start of any relationship. There is so much less frustration when I have to say sorry I can’t make it because of a pain flare or seizure. They know I want to be there, there just are times that my body doesn’t allow it.

Having chronic pain will challenge you in ways that you never imagined. Preparing for daily activities and pain flares becomes a must. So does searching for small ways to boost your own self-confidence.

Managing the emotional side of chronic pain can be done -- it just takes understanding, effort, and learning to choose your battles.

Barby Ingle.jpg

Barby Ingle lives with reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), migralepsy and endometriosis. Barby is a chronic pain educator, patient advocate, and president of the International Pain FoundationShe is also a motivational speaker and best-selling author on pain topics.

More information about Barby can be found at her website. 

The information in this column should not be considered as professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is for informational purposes only and represents the author’s opinions alone. It does not inherently express or reflect the views, opinions and/or positions of Pain News Network.

Researchers Say Acetaminophen Dulls Emotions

By Pat Anson, Editor

Health experts have been warning for years about the risk of liver damage caused by taking too much acetaminophen.  Now a new study is out that found a previously unknown side effect of the drug: It also dulls emotions.

Acetaminophen -- also known as paracetamol – is the world’s most widely used over-the-counter pain reliever. It is the active ingredient in Tylenol, Excedrin, and hundreds of other pain medications.

Researchers at Ohio State University conducted two studies involving over 80 college students, half of whom took a large dose of 1000 milligrams of acetaminophen and half who took a placebo. They waited 60 minutes for the drug to take effect.

The students then viewed 40 photographs from a database used by researchers to elicit emotional responses. The photographs ranged from the extremely unpleasant (crying, malnourished children) to the neutral (a cow in a field) to the very pleasant (young children playing with cats).

After viewing each photo, participants were asked to rate how positive or negative the photo was on a scale of -5 (extremely negative) to +5 (extremely positive). Then they viewed the same photos again and were asked to rate how emotional they felt, ranging from 0 (little or no emotion) to 10 (extreme amount of emotion).

Results in both studies showed that participants who took acetaminophen rated all photos less extremely than did those who took the placebo. Positive photos were not seen as positively under the influence of acetaminophen and negative photos were not seen as negatively. The same was true of their emotional reactions.

“People who took acetaminophen didn’t feel the same highs or lows as did the people who took placebos,” said Baldwin Way, an assistant professor of psychology at the Ohio State Wexner Medical Center’s Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.

For example, people who took the placebo rated their emotional response relatively high (average score of 6.76) when they saw jarring photos of the malnourished child or the children with kittens. But people taking acetaminophen didn’t feel as much in either direction, reporting an average emotion level of 5.85 when they saw the same photos.

Neutral photos were rated similarly by all participants, regardless of whether they took the drug or not.

“This means that using Tylenol or similar products might have broader consequences than previously thought,” said Geoffrey Durso, lead author of the study and a doctoral student in social psychology at The Ohio State University.

“Rather than just being a pain reliever, acetaminophen can be seen as an all-purpose emotion reliever.”

Previous research has shown that acetaminophen reduces not only on physical pain, but also psychological pain.

“Most people probably aren’t aware of how their emotions may be impacted when they take acetaminophen,” said Way.

The study is published online in the journal Psychological Science.

Over 50 million people in the U.S. use acetaminophen each week to treat pain and fever. The pain reliever has long been associated with liver injury and allergic reactions such as skin rash. In the U.S. over 50,000 emergency room visits each year are caused by acetaminophen, including 25,000 hospitalizations and 450 deaths.